I wonder who still uses blogspot. HI, to whoever.

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if you didn't know. haha i made a new one.



b00ishnikki.tumblr.com

*kiss me thru the phone.

I MISS KENNYYYY LIKE HELLAAAAAAA, good talks on aim and phone yesterday. "COME TO MY HOUSE" haha, but then again I MISS AARON LIKE HELLLLLAAAA too! They made my day <3

(11:35:19 PM): and u know
(11:35:24 PM): i might get the urge to hold you
(11:35:26 PM): if ur scared ;D
(11:36:11 PM): i might get the urge to kiss you :]

HAAHA, you're phony boy.

*6months, 12 days! Happy Anniversary!<3
*7months, 13 days! Happy Anniversary!<3

SCHOOL SUCKED, but why all of the sudden is "TRUTH OR DARE" getting to be the new thing for everyone. It's not fun if it's a everyday kind of thing, ha. Just once in awhile. +I HATE HOW YOU DONT NOTICE WHEN IM NEAR YOU, you didn't say shit to me. Fuck that, I'm officially out.

wednesday- basketball game@ Chaboya vs. Valley
Thursday- hang out with FRESHYS<3 watch basketball game @Chaboya vs. LEYVAAAA<3 &SEE CUTE TWIN(=
Friday- Mall with Kristal and LeyvaBoys movies, My Bloody Valentine or Marley and Me (=
Saturday- Mall/Movies with Kris Helena Raymond Matt Lawrence Joyce Ramneet Kylee Kristal Meggie Justin Jenn. and other kids.

TOUGH LOVE.

"Even if, it leads nowhere to you. Or would it be a waste? Even if I knew my place..Should I leave it there? "

I hate finding myself at dead ends of this continuous maze I keep falling into. This labryinth is not helping me get anywhere. All it's doing is fucking things up everytime I find myself happy. But, when I reach the point where I feel like, my happiness is unlimited, I try to have it all, when I can't.. I can't have my cake &eat it, too. I want more, and then some.. But I need to learn how to limit myself. But, I'm trying to find my happy ending where I have it all. But the things I want, I can't have. I want the things I don't need and need the things I don't always want.

I feel like the amount of love I can offer is limited. I want the feeling to last forever, but forever isn't as long as it used to be. I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone. I feel that I deserve to be happy. But, only I can control my happiness. I'm too afraid to take risks that will leave me with no options.

I want everything about us to end, instantly. It's hurting me so much this weekend is all i've been doing is trying to have fun and get you off of my mind. When only a few days are past my getaways, it's KILLING ME. Yet, im unwilling to forgive and forget this. Fuck, my happiness. Fuck 09. FUCK ME.

I can't find a single day to be happy with myself. Now you tell me how to control that BS. < /3

I'm done here,

I don't care anymore about this whole "group" thingy because it's so inconsiderate. Once we all learn how to start geetting along again, I'll show you that I'll start to care.

SAY IT, again. I know and I'm sorry. whatever.

But yesterday was "OKAY" I guess.. Afterschool was interesting though. Raymart and Vincent were suppose to fight, but vincent pussied out. HAHA, but there were hella people up aat Fowler tht's probably why the teachers came there. Uhmm, chilled with Joyce Matt, and Meggie cos everone else LEFT US. but Joyce had to leave, so I walked down with Matt and Meggie, fun. Went to Burrito ate, and had tons of fun<3 Saw Eric and Kyanne. o_o akward, walked to fowler with Tyty, Raymond, Jenn, Kristal, Kris, Matt, James, William, Meggie, Justin, Lawrence, and Erin. Took pictures and played TRUTH OR DARE, again. It wasn't as fun as last time but we did MORE weird things. xD everyone left so I went to Erin's house with Jenn, and we just chilled there. Then went to the boys basket ballgame. ;D ;D ;D, i lovedd it. CHABOYA WON, of course. then hahahahha, Me Raymond were fighting. uhm, Jenn and erin were making noises and Kris and tyler was just watching. Then it was only Me Jen Kris and Raymond left, so we played hideandseek. FUNNNNASSSSFUCKINGSHIT. girls vs. boys though, hella tiring. haha, played for about an hour of me and jen chasing Kris and Raymond -_- gave up, so we went on the basball field, at belerman at like 9ish?(however you spell that) and kris&raymond wrestled. then raymond pulled me down o_o thenn jenn. HAHA, funny. uhm, dropped off jenn then went to Kris's house. oh man, and there was MORE fun up in his roof. :P too much to explain. HAHA, but yeah. I just wanted to blog about ONE of my first days I loved of 2009<3

*I didn't know I was suppose to walk down with YOU GUYS. I just asked if you guys were going and that we should hang out, but you mentioned nothing to me when you saw me. so how was I suppose to know, plus I said I'll walk with you guys out. and Yea.

Love on the block,

Wednesday and Thursday I walked home with Joyce<3 we had our MotherDaughter time togehter +4MONTHS. I love it how we have nothing not to talk about, or let's put it that we never ran out of things to talk about. But yeah here and there I might feel left out with some other "Friends" but hey, I know that i'll always have Joyce there like how she's like with me. Thank goodness like friends like her<3 I love her very much.

"CALVIN IS SO FUCKING HOT I WANNA SPREAD BUTTER ALL OVER HIS BODY AND LICK IT OFF!" -Fucking Monique, ha.
"ANTHONY IS SO FUCKING HOT I WANNA SPREAD CHOCOLATE ALL OVER HIS BODy AND EAT IT OFF!" Fucking Joyce, ha.
"JOEL IS SO FUCKING HOT I WANNA POUR AND SAVOR SYRUP ALL OVER HIS BODY AND LICK IT OFF!" Fucking Me, oops (: hahahah
"ALLEN IS SO FUCKING HOT I WANNA LICK THAT SYRUP OFF OF HIS BODY!" Fucking Zaire, ha.
,yes and this is why I love bus rides home with these kids.

Haha, I admit it im freaking jealous of them two. You asked me and I made a fool of myself.. "I Don't know."

Not settling for the less,

January 6th:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUPERMAN, "HOLE", J-HOMIE, STUDDMUFFIN, LOVE haha, let's cut this short, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEL<3

I'm really not going to settle for the less, yet not I'm not going to settle for the best with everything that I have in my mind. Admit it. We flirt with each other. We have so much fun with each other. We laugh with each other and we even try to be with each other. And I believe that we secretly love each other. But how come when I think of you and wonder if you're thinking of me, it feels like you aren't?

One day you're going to want that girl. That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths, that girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve It, that girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated. The girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in hers forever, the girl that sees this and still loves you. The girl that should have you, but doesn't even though she deserves it.

Hey, I miss you Kiddo. I'm sorry I broke it off, can we start over again? /:
<3yoursupergirl.

MONICA made my day<3

Way to start what you call a "New Year". Nothing feels different cause it's always the same old shit, EVERYDAY. I wish I could somehow manage to get closer to you, but it's highly irrelevant and inevitable. Your always stuckup and stuborn and I may have to say that you might grow up old and lonely if you keep this shit up. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. I love you very much, though.

New beginnings from here on out? That's just a stupid phrase what people say to make themselves feel better, and yes even myself. But you have to face the fact that everything is over and you can't turn back to the past anymore, right? But I can't say I'm looking forward to 09.. I mean, its a just a change in numbers, what's there really to change? But a girl can hope, I guess

CONGRAT'S AUNTIE ALLISON<3 can't wait til' your babygirl comes out (: Next thing you know, I'll be over your house everyday til' you get annoyed of me. teehe.

I came to school today, ha. I wasn't excited much as last year. But I couldn't even sleep last night, stupid nightmares. GEEEEZ, why did he have to say all those things to me for; it REALLY disgusted me, or maybe I'm just over analyzing it. I don't know, thanks Monica and Kevin for listening though.

Left me broken down, beggin' for change.

Goodbye 2008.
I'd be lying if I said I'ma miss you. It went by so fast. Most not full of the happiest memories, but mostly full of lessons learned. Yet, MUCH more happier memories then unnecessary memories. I guess you can say that I, "turned over a new leaf". Let go of a lot of unnecessary bullshit. Trimmed off that FAT. I'm determined to make this upcoming year as good as the last. I'm in charge of my own happiness, gotta do it right this time. Refusing false happiness and not settling for less. Those are my new year's resolutions.

"I JUST WANNA' BE GOOD TO SOMEONE."

I'm jealous of a character in a love/tragedy/vampire book. I'm way past the point of pathetic. I wish it were possible to be so happy &to have your cake &eat it, too.

"But, if I tell the world, I'll never say enough cos it was not said to you.
&That's exactly what I'd need to do if I'd end up with you.
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?"

*EDIT
oh & keep in touch with a, k, & j more.
I LOVE TWOTHOUSAND&EIGHT, no lie. nothing will ever beat the year like this.

Stains on my soul

2009 is just around the corner. And I've been thinking, what can I change. But really, all I was thinking about was physical changes. However, as I was reading old blogs from way back when, I relalized my new year's revolution, is to not let all of you take over me any longer. Yeh I know, it shouldn't be a resolution, but I'm thinking/hoping it'll give me more of a reason to totally erase you from my memory. You contaminated 07, as well as o8. I'm really hoping 09 will be different. My mentality will no longer include my greif involving you. You you you you you. You are def not the best, but I must admit. You're all I know..

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone.

whose (4:54:05 PM): okay
whose (4:54:16 PM): haha
whackk (4:56:03 PM): haha, alright :P
whose (4:56:18 PM): :P
whose (4:56:23 PM): and we can have fun
whose (4:56:25 PM): under the sheets
whose(4:56:31 PM): with the lights off
whackk (4:56:34 PM): playing
whackk (4:56:39 PM): with toys
whackk (4:56:40 PM): xD
whose (4:56:43 PM): xD
whackk (4:56:45 PM): that are made for
whose (4:56:49 PM): kids
whackk (4:56:49 PM): ---
whackk (4:56:51 PM): LOL
whackk (4:56:56 PM): xD
whose (4:56:59 PM): HAHA
whose (4:57:55 PM): pervert

2009 resolution

I'm not going to be on for awhile, so mine as well make it last.

This year: try to be friends with someone I thought I couldn't be friends with
try to reconnect with old friends and stay in touch
try to bring my grades up
try to put myself out there more
try to do new things
try to face/overcome my fears
try to put myself before others
try to act like less of a bitch
try to start over, clean and fresh.
try to see/visit/talk to A more.

----i have more but i'll do them later

I'll let our love take over.

"Nothing's wrong."

1.) I can easily turn one situation to another without you noticing anything's thats wrong. That's how much you've shown me that you've cared. You know how? Because you don't notice anything about me anymore.. so much for "I'm always gonna be there for you." Your so heartbreaking.

2.) I think of you as a Brother. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry.

3.) If your going to be apart of MY FAMILY, then act like your apart of it. You come every once in awhile. Actually scratch that.. Not even ONCE in a while, once in a blue moon. Don't come down here for Christmas and actually expect that your going to recieve shit from me and MY family. Don't fucking ruin anything for us. Thanks, once you leave never look back.

4.) I miss you Bruhhh. You never talk to me anymore, cause why am I the one always to say something first. I don't want to lose you, so try not to lose me. We should webcam and chill together again. I'm glad you don't make anything akward between us, even though we were a thing. Loveeeee you, lots.

5.) Cos imma' flirt. You can take over me, as much as you want. I'm totally gonna fall for you.

6.) Don't ask me what's wrong, ask me what's right. THEN i'll know that you know me well. Thanks I love you girl, for actually paying to my words of wisdom. Unlike everyone else.

-Rephrase every little shit i've ever said to you, bitch-

Raindrops keep falling on my head

I already lost you once, so I sure as hell could loose you again. I'm not afraid of what you think of me anymore. Don't think that I don't care or see what's going on. I see every bit of it. And I do care about every bit of it, too. I just miss you, and thanks for always leaving me out on shit now.

I miss talking to Bob, incredibly a lot.
He's cool to talk to when, things don't feel right<3

itsbobomg (11:47:17 PM): duuhhh, big brain, big ___ ;DD
nikki iss whackk (11:47:52 PM): nipples
nikki iss whackk (11:47:53 PM): LOL
itsbobomg (11:48:07 PM): LMFAO, WTF.

I can follow with the lyrics that was once told.

I want more days like these, because baby all I want for Christmas is You...

Maybe now that I realized it's break, I've made many mistakes over this past year. Many Many mistakes, and I've said and done things that I so much regret. I'm sorry to all those people I bought down, and couldn't be there for you enough as you thought I could. As I said, I'm always here with open arms, I am. But I just need more open arms for myself.. I don't ever think I could end my year on bad terms with everyone, I just want to start clean and re-meet everyone. Undo the bad times and isolate them to good times. Get ready everyone, cos' Bitches I'm back.
*and Thank you to everyone who bought me presents<3

listen to *Alain Cruz - If I Say.

YOUR STUPID YOUR STUPID YOUR STUPID.


you piss the fuck outta me. i hate you.

i dont miss anything about you, you always bring me the pittest mistakes. FUCK YOU AND YOUR DIFFERENCES.

All I Want for Christmas is YOUU.

Whoahhh, I loved Friday ish. Everything about school I'm really gonna miss ): I love my friends<3 fowler, burrito, walgreens, fowler again. chilled. truth or dare. saw Jly & reymond & aaron & kevin (: TRUTH OR DARE. wow that game was intese, but i hate the fact that when it was your turn everyone would look at me as if i DIDNT NOTICE ANYTHING.. Everythihng's changing, it's soo... So Heart Breakkiiing..

I stilll need to buy presents for people. Actually, i've been meaning to do a lot of things. Just havent had the time to. Plus I want to talk to you about somethings. Get it off my chest for fucking once.

I just want this to all past me, it's been almost 6 fucking months. The longest yet, but it's not easy at all. Last time was 5months to do it, pretty simple ish, many tears along the way, but it was all worth it. Don't trip .Everything's alright,I GUESS. I just can't believe I couldn't admit shit like that in front of you. Maybe I am right and maybe you are doing the right thing. but DONT stop keeping in touch with me... I just want you to treat me like how I treat you. But don't push me away anymore like you already have, goddamit why did you have to do this to me. its not bringing me down or anything but still i just miss everything. you do your thing and i do mines. simple, k homie? (:

we're drifting I can see it through your eyes.

I must stick with you my Baby,

Haha, I finally met Bryant and Reymond today at Chaboya. Fun hanging out. LOL, uhm I just love Helena's house tho! +Bus rides with Helena and Erin<3

I kinda lost most of the sparks after I realized a couple of things, cos I mean where do we go from here? HA, nowhere im guessing... and oh yes, I put a lot of thinking to realize this stuff, daily. So i'm profoundly to say that I'm gonna stop trying, but to try to move my ass on, because MAYBE, I already did. And no doubt that you did too. Stupid dances bring everything together. For the better and the worse in us.

I'm FREE, I can feel me flying. You got my lifted shifted higher than the ceiling. And ooh wee it's the ultimate feeling. Keep me going, k? Cos' NOW i'm giving you MY attention since I havent noticed you for the past year already. I'm ready and sorry I've made you wait. So, HERE I AM. Take my breathe away, hun.

Your probably wondering why i've been avoiding you and shit. It's probably because I'm not feelin' the way your acting towards me right now, or that your just acting really stupid and annoying about the things I say towards you that shouldn't really be offensive. I'm glad that I don't have to deal with this pittyness next year.

I lost touch with you! You're always working ): On top of that, I don't have ANY classes with you, fuck. I feel as if we're drifting nowadays. We gotta find a way to catch up and everything again, like we used to.. I miss you soo much.

I STILL NEED TO BUY PRESENTS! HOLY SHIT. LESS THAN A WEEK. well, if i don't get your present on time, then imma give it to you guys after the break. K? this concludes to: Helena, Jennifer, Jayleen, Erin, Thy, Alison, Joyce, Dominique, MONICA, Aaron, Matt, KEVIN, and Tyler. Oh and 8th graders, CHRISTMAS IN THE PARK on Saturday and FOWLER on Friday after school (: kay? k, goods.

straight up,

My weekend was fun. Hung out with my LESBIAN BABE<3 We did CRAZY things, she was going to shower so she told me to stay in the bathroom with her, HAHA. but she had her bathing suit on (: then i saw somethings! LOLL. went to the mall with aaron and amanda watched a movie, they left. Met with Matt. Hung out, then yada yada ya. VENTING TIME:

AGAIN, fuck you and your differences. You don't know what YOUR TALKING ABOUT. So shut the fuck up, bitch. I hate your adittude, You fucking annoy me and shit. There is no friendship is there's no trust, so what's left of us being friends. GET THE FUCK OUT ALREADY. I love how i can lie to you, when you notice it but don't man up to me. That just shows how much of a PUSSY you are.


Good seeing you. haha.


Can't have your cake and eat it too, right? I'm having a whole fucking feast and enjoying it all. Bt I know it's wrong of me to be playing this game. I know what I want, and what I want I can't have. Not the type to be on this side of the fence. I want two things at once, one I shouldn't want, and the other is just sending mixed signals. I don't want to end up with nothing at all. This isn't how I am though, gimme a break. I can't help the way I feel. A shadow in the form of karma is catching up with me.. I really need to train myself to stop going after what I can't have, and to start dedicating my time to what's actually good for me.

It just shows how much you care. Saying shit like that. HA, get rid of your bitchassness. THEN i'll show some lil' bit of respect. IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET.

WinterBall 121208<3

This dance was okay. I won Queeen (: and yeah. Hella freaked with everyone +decutie&chavez&tin. o_o haha, it was funny. then then, slow danced with Alex(KING!), Justin Ta, & MATTTTY. oooh, to Superhuman, STIKWITU<3, and Take you down. and with Lily to until the end of time. You, kept staring at me. it was cute. HAHA, EW & STOP STALKING ME. It's funny how i say "I love you" to people i like to slow dance with, i JUST noticed that. sucked how they didnt annouce daughter's name. enjoi the pics while it last : ***MORE TO ADD LATER.